All the little things

Scrappin'.

I don't scrap for me enough. Which is not intended as a whine. I have plenty of time to scrap just for fun. Sometimes. But I've gotten into the bad habbit of only scrapping when I have to. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy doing scrapping when it's an assignment, I still scrap about things I want to scrap about. It's just that I used to do almost a page a day, and lately I've really only been sitting down when there's an assignment due.

But I've been thinking, one perk of my new SS gig is that I won't really be submitting. Therefore, when I'm scrapping and it's not an assignment, I have absolutely no reason to be hung up on whether it's publishable, to worry if it will ever fit a call...there's something liberating about that. About *knowing* these will never see print and being totally cool with that and just playing and having fun. It got my mojo revved up again. And I scrapped just for fun tonight, 2 LOs. And here's one of them:

Fun. That's what it's all about.

I don't normally...

go running through the streets (or, the internet) screaming when I get a bit of good news. As it's the nature of this industry, I've reluctantly gotten used to keeping secrets.

But this one had me busting at the seams.

So without further delay....I am a proud member of Simple Scrapbooks' Digital Scrapbooking Editorial Board.

I can't spill the other names on our editorial and creative boards, they have to do that on their own. But suffice it to say, some of the biggest names in digital scrapbooking history. People I am so floored and honored to be working with. And I am the hybrid one, who has only done a handfull of 100% digi pages, and I feel like I just wandered in there and they politely let me stay.

Seriously, it's a huge adventure. And I can't wait until January, to see the new mag in print. I have a feeling getting there will be quite a ride :)

A conversation:

Celia, while playing with her raggedy-Ann doll: "where's the boy?"

Me: "Oh, we don't have the boy. We just have a girl. Just like I only have a girl!"

Celia: "You have a boy! Daddy is your boy, silly mama! He helps you, he makes sure you don't fall asleep. And you don't let him fall asleep."

Ah, marriage. When two people vow to spend the rest of their lives keeping each other awake.

Another day...

geez, if nothing else avoiding message boards has me blogging more :)

I had an awesome photo shoot this morning. Adorable boys, super nice family. Lived right on a lake. Light was perfect, setting was gorgeous. kids behaved, mom and dad want *all* B&W...in other words, perfect.

So I get home, all excited to pop the flash card in and see what I got.

And over half of the pictures ARE NOT THERE.

We're talking, every pic of all 4 together. The snuggly shots of mom and the little guy that I was so excited to be getting. Every close-up of the 2 year old. Gone.

Seriously, I could have passed out.

So, after really checking everything I could think of to see if they ended up in a weird folder or something somehow, I googled image recovery programs, found one with good reviews, and bought it.

And it worked. Every single photo, saved. And I'm so happy with how they turned out. I have no idea why the hell that happened, but I am sure glad someone out there made a little program to fix it. It's the most impressed I've been with technology in quite some time.

And now, on a different note: I really don't mean to keep beating a dead horse with talking about the whole blog thing. But there's something I want to say that really has nothing to do with defending myself.

One of the things I find the saddest about all the accusations being flung around is that people who are trying to break into this industry will read them and think that they're all true, that contests are fixed, that you can't get anywhere unless you know people. And while I try to keep my head in the sand, I'm sure some of that stuff does happen. But I also want people to know this: when I entered HOF, I didn't know *anyone.* I still don't really know anyone. I am probably the least connected person in this industry. I'd never even been published by CK, even though I submitted relentlessly. Couldn't get in to save my life. I'd only had one LO picked up *period* since PK went under, and I was submitting everywhere like mad. To the best of my knowledge, no one at the CK offices knew I was alive. I had zero confidence about the contest. How can you have confidence about a thing like that if you can't even get one measly LO picked up? I totally thought of myself as an underdog. A long shot. I thought my style was all wrong for CK, and I stayed true to it anyway and was sure I wouldn't win. You can still listen to my horribly embarassing HOF call on the CK site, and decide for yourself if that's genuine shock.

It just makes me sad, because if nothing else I would like to be an example of someone who wasn't anyone before they won, who wasn't on CK's radar, who didn't have connections or friends in the right places. So, I guess it's really up to you what you choose to believe, but I hope at least some people believe me when I say that I really am proof of the fact that you *don't* have to backstab your way into contests. That it's not all who you know. That it's worth trying no matter what you think the outcome will be.

And last but not least, thanks so much for all the comments and e-mails. This blog isn't going anywhere for now, and if I feel like I need to password protect it I will. I don't want anyone to think I'm too hurt by all these comments to keep putting myself out there. But life is too short to deal with any more of that nonsense than you absolutely have to, and if stepping back from message boards will avoid some of the drama, that's worth it to me.

This is not a hair-flip...

but I think I need to take a little break from the pub and from "public internet life."

I was just reading the trainwreck that is the scrapbook critic site, and thinking about the stuff I blogged about earlier. According to the latest comments, I'm an ass-kisser, I always whine about work (which, for the record, if anyone genuinely does think I'm whining about work, I apologize for ever coming across that way...I love working under pressure and love being frazzled, and so if I say I'm frazzled, I never mean that in a bad way...but I digress), I'm pompous, classless, do nothing but brag, and my kid's not even cute.

I don't know if I come across that way or not. I hope that's only the opinion of a select few. But regardless, I know that these things are coming from people I interact with on message boards, and I'm simply not that comfortable constantly wondering who really likes me and who's saying things behind my back. It's just more elementary school drama than I have time for. Maybe the problem is that I don't even think of myself as being on anyone's radar. The few pages I've had in print very recently were my first in like a year. I don't think of myself as anyone who's even in a place to be "open" to that kind of public criticism. Not that I think the celebs deserve it, either, but I am certainly not one of them. I have one measly little magazine rack full of stuff I have in print. I've had some good luck, and I'm grateful for it, but I sure don't think of myself as being anyone that people would even bother to anonymously criticize on a blog. And so I just ramble, and say what's on my mind, and am naive enough to think it won't be held up to that kind of scrutiny. And this is all kind of a wake-up call. Regardless of whether I think there's a grain of truth to anything people are saying, and regardless of whether they're just a select few and not the masses, I just don't want to be in that position at all.

So I guess I'm just at a point where I'd rather quietly do my thing than have any sort of public "image" to worry about. I never wanted an "image," never wanted to "be" anyone. I've always just wanted to have fun and go after some personal goals and keep doing something I enjoy. I thought, perhaps naively, that I could do those things and at the same time maintain an involvement with a community I've enjoyed. But I feel like I've tried my best to stradle that line, and it just isn't working for me. I can roll my eyes and laugh about the comments themselves, but what I can't do is stay active in a community where I don't know who my friends are and what will be twisted and made out to be different than it is.

I really hope that anyone who still wants to chat or anything will always feel free to e-mail me and keep in touch. I'm honestly not sure right now if I want to keep this blog going. As of right now, I do. It's just a lot of stuff I have to think about. And I hope no one takes this as me not being able to handle some criticism. It's really just that I don't want to be doing things in a way that *invites* criticism. For me, for right now, I feel like that means stepping back from message boards. I reserve the right to change my mind at some point in the future :)

Peace and love and all that hippie nonsense :)

Ah, the joy of internet snark...

I've heard a lot about this "scrapbook critic" blog, a place where people anonymously post their snarky comments and/or reviews of mags, artists, the industry, etc. And I haven't checked it out, to be perfectly honest, until I saw a post tonight from Amy Howe about how that blog was responsible for her taking down her own blog. And I felt the need to go check it out myself.

And of course, being the glutton for punnishment that I am, I had to see if anyone was saying anything about me.

Now, I understand that becoming "known" in any industry puts you in a position where some people are going to have nothing but negative things to say. And I've been hearing negative things about myself pretty much since my first page was in print. I'm a "roll my eyes and let it roll off my back" person. Because I know the truth, and that's all that matters to me. Take the comments on this blog, for example. Comments from several posters stating that I have no use for anyone unless they can "get me ahead." Which, honestly, made me laugh out loud. I am the worst networker ever. Unless approaching someone in a very upfront way, ie. e-mailing someone to outright express interest in a DT or some such thing, I just don't think that way. Friendships are friendships, and business is business. And 99% of the friendships I have made through scrapping are not with people who have the power to "get me somewhere" even if they wanted to. And another amusing thing about that to me is that I'm not even *trying* to get anywhere. My plate is full. And yet, for some unfathomable reason, I still bother to talk to other people! Haha. Seriously, I sent the link to my friends. Because I know how hilarious they will find it.

But the thing I will admit does bother me is the interaction part of it. And not just for me, but for any of us who are mentioned there. Especially those who are more sensitive than I am and don't laugh things off as easily. I don't care if people want to anonymously trash my work. Seriously, to each their own. But when people start making character statements, and claiming that they're based on actual interaction with people, that's when I think they should have the balls to step out from behind the curtain and put their name behind their words. It’s one thing to anonymously discuss things from the viewpoint of being a stranger, a magazine reader, etc. But I really think it goes too far when you’re coming from the angle of “I know so and so, and they’re like this.” At that point, it’s not about whether the statements themselves bother me (or anyone else), it’s about trust on a personal level. It’s about a sense of community we like to think we have online, that no longer feels the same when you start questioning who these people are that “interact” with you, and then turn around and make those kinds of comments.

Anyway, I really don’t want this to come off as defensive, or whiney, or anything of the sort. I just want people to maybe put a little thought into drawing a line between criticizing art, magazine content, etc. and criticizing *people.*

And if you have anything to say about me, please feel free to say it to my face. Or at least, my avatar.

I feel like...

my blog is like a poor neglected houseplant that I am forgetting to water.

Seriously, I killed a cactus once. Seriously.

And then a few months ago, I heard this line by Demetri Martin (the funniest commedian ever on the face of the planet) about how he killed a cactus and thought "I am less nourishing than a desert."

Yes, that's me.

But see, here's the deal: I'm working on stuff I pretty much can't talk about. Big news I can't share yet. Can't blog about that (except in the cryptic sense I just did, which I'm sure will cause all 3 people who read my blog to come banging my door down wanting to know...but my hands are tied here). As for personal life, it's not really blog-worthy right now, either. Last weekend (see entry below) was exhausting, in many ways.  But my shoot did get postponed for this sunday. Which at the moment is a very good thing.

So, in the name of my blog not withering and dying, I will leave you with a LO I have actually done just for fun recently:

Busy, busy, sick.

Not a good combo, I'm tellin' ya. I just have some stupid cold thing, everytime I get sick I swear it's this exact same thing, runny nose, cough, general run-down feeling. It's leaving quickly, which is good, because I have a thousand things going on.

Mat came over today for a few hours. He's in town between Chicago and New York. We finalized cd stuff. It's ready to go. They master Sept. 18th in NY, and then it will be manufactured. And you all will buy it, right? It will be available on iTunes and all that, but of course you have to order actual physical copies if you want my artwork. Deal? :)

Friday night is Mat's last night in town, and so he's coming over and we might go out to a movie and we will hang out and stay up late. Don't know when I'll see him again. So sad, friends spread out all over the country. I just never get used to that.

But then Saturday, my friend Amy, who I haven't seen in almost *10* years is coming over. We were crazy close in junior high, just got back in touch a few months ago and we talk like 2, 3 times a week for like at least an hour. Craziness. So excited to see her. And she just moved *back* to MI from Florida.

Sunday morning, a photo shoot.

And somewhere in there, scrappy goodness. So much work. Exciting stuff coming. Big stuff.

And my baby will be 3 in 3 weeks! 3 weeks from today. Talk about craziness. Seriously. Where the hell does time go?

So, that's life at the moment. All good.

The Flaming Lips...

rocked my world last night.

It's been a long time since I've seen someone just have that much fun on stage. So much of the music I listen to is a little on the downer side. And I see a lot of intense, passionate, energy-filled performances...but rarely do I feel like I'm just watching someone have a riot. Beyond all the Flaming Lips special effects, the totally over the top, hilarious and stunning production of the whole thing...the energy is just infectious. That's why they put on a damn good show even if you take away all the bells and whistles.

And I would know. Because I saw them 12 years ago, at the same venue, opening for Candlebox. When no one, or at least no one I knew, had any idea who the Flaming Lips were. "She Don't Use Jelly" wasn't even out on the radio yet, though they played it live, and we loved it. They had Christmas lights on their amps and a bubble machine on stage, and if you had asked me then what they would do with a nearly unlimited budget, last night's spectacle of smoke machines and dancing aliens and streamer-guns and giant balloons probably would have been about what I'd have guessed. And so it's very cool to have seen a band back in the day when all they could afford were some Christmas lights for their amps, and to see them now totally living out this crazy dream and looking like they're just enjoying the hell out of it every step of the way. And a personal level, that show 12 years ago really set a sort of precendent for me. We were 13, and it was the first time we felt we had "discovered" something that the rest of the world didn't know about yet. We went to see Candlebox, and ended up leaving with Flaming Lips T-shirts. My eyes were opened for the first time to the fact that maybe some of the coolest stuff out there was not the stuff on the radio. That the world of music was larger than my local alternative station. And after that realization, my world would never be the same again.

When She Don't Use Jelly hit the airwaves just a few weeks later, I felt for the first time that odd mixture of excitement and disappointment that the whole world was suddenly in on something that had felt, for a little while, like it only belonged to me. But for years, that song stood as a quirky flash-in-the-pan, one-hit-wonder, and for most of the rest of the world, the Flaming Lips dropped completely off the radar. But we kept up with them, and found ourselves amused last night, when they played She Don't Use Jelly on that same stage where I saw and heard it for the first time 12 years ago, that half the audience probably wasn't even old enough to *remember* when that song was a hit. Me, I've still got my cd single.
Anyway, while they've never quite made it to the status of one of my *very* favorite bands, it's cool when I think of the significance they've had in my life. Cool when I think of how music means different things to people at different times. How much music matters.

Good stuff.

four years ago today...

I woke up this morning to a sweet little anniversary e-mail. Saying, among other things, how impressed he is by the scrappin' and everything I've accomplished. We may not see eye to eye 100% of the time (and who does?) but I know how lucky I am when I think about how we "get" each other creatively. Can't imagine not being married to a creative person. Can't imagine being with someone who didn't understabd that part of me.

Tonight, it's a family ice-cream outing :) Friday, we're going to see the Flaming Lips, our anniversary gift to each other. Good stuff.

And thank goodness it wasn't this hot four years ago. Though it felt like it in that dress.